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Category: Culture

  • Can we find God at a rock concert?

    At the center of our being is a point of nothingness which is untouched by sin and by illusion, a point of pure truth, a point or spark which belongs entirely to God, which is never at our disposal, from which God disposes of our lives, which is inaccessible to the fantasies of our own mind or the brutalities of our own will….It is like a pure diamond, blazing with the invisible light of heaven. It is in everybody, and if we could see it we would see these billions of points of light coming together in the face and blaze of a sun that would make all the darkness and cruelty of life vanish completely …the gate of heaven is everywhere.”

    Thomas Merton, Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander

    Two places come to mind when I read the above quote: the shower and rock concerts. I\’ll focus on the latter. A few weeks ago, some family members and I went to see Porter Robinson’s \”Smile\” tour in Seattle. The experience was transcendent. While it might sound like high praise for Mr. Robinson, God’s presence isn’t confined to the talent of a performer. We already loved Porter’s music, and he, in turn, gave of himself to the crowd in a way that felt like love. In this mutual, open-hearted exchange, I sensed God had entered the picture.

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    I\’ve been to Rush, Purity Ring, Van Halen, and many others. Most of the time, I felt God\’s presence and got a glimpse of what heaven might feel and look like.

    God? Why would God be at a concert? Isn\’t there profanity, drugs, and heathens? Is the performer a false idol that the throngs are worshiping?

    We misunderstand God if we think he avoids people because of their lifestyle. Morality is important, but God is a God of Grace and Love. We often mistake growing closer to God for becoming more moral, but if taken to its limits, this sort of sainthood is likely not at all what God wants for most of us. Taken to its extreme, an obsession on \”moralness\” is the ultimate denial of self. The philosopher Susan Wolf, professor of Philosophy at UNC at Chapel Hill, says that what she calls a \”moral saint\” may not even be a desirable state for most of us:

    …In other words, if the moral saint is devoting all his time to feeding the hungry or healing the sick or raising money for Oxfam, then necessarily he is not reading Victorian novels, playing the oboe, or improving his backhand. Although no one of the interests or tastes in the category containing these latter activities could be claimed to be a necessary element in a life well lived, a life in which none of these possible aspects of character are developed may seem to be a life strangely barren.\”

    Susan Wolf, https://www.jstor.org/stable/2026228

    The move to a more moral life is not being judged here, but it would likely preclude any Porter Robinsons, Beethovens, or Einsteins from emerging. Considering Christianity\’s history is replete with geniuses who have \”non-moral\” interests, we must conclude that there is no direct religious or spiritual mandate to disregard creative action.

    Yet we know, from the Bible and tradition, that we are to live holy lives. I would remind the reader that we\’re also told that above all things is love, and even that God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God in her (1 John 4:16).

    Perhaps it is not the life of the moral saint that is the goal, but living what I\’ll call a godly life, which would include both moral and creative action. A godly life points us to love—love of self, love of the gifts that God has given us and that we\’ve worked hard on, love of the people who listen to our music, read our stories, make our movies, or even score that touchdown. Have you seen big, burly football players cry, hug each other, and then jump into a crowd of strangers? Believe me, love is there.

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    Love!

    At Porter\’s concert, I saw all sorts of folks – from grown men in Pikachu outfits to old rockers, people in colorful pajamas, or moms dressed for a night out. Together, this diverse group of 18,000 people was one, jamming to EDM-infused pop rock and shaking the stands of Climate Pledge Arena. I\’m a stodgy old Rush fan, and even I was dancing, or some approximation of it. While I hold that the creation is often greater than the creator, I believe the attitude and spirit of the artist have everything to do with it. A cocky, self-confident artist who doesn\’t treat his audience with love will likely not have God there with him.

    As I\’ve mentioned on this blog, we\’re going through the change of empty nesting. I feel God often, in the quiet of my smaller life now, a meditative whisper of His presence, in contemplation of releasing, and the joy of simple things. Yet, God\’s presence is different from that of the awesome presence of a mass of people all loving and laughing together. I felt God\’s overwhelming love as one among the masses, and for a moment, I caught a glimpse of what a different reality would be like, one with massive-scale love and God in it.

    Of course, no one can stay on the top of the mountain. The emotional wave of these performances fades, and so we need God in the shower, the garden, and the rock concert. The gates of heaven are everywhere.

    True talk here: I hesitate to use the word heaven. The word is so laden with images of humans with wings, harps, and clouds that it distorts the concept of our future; in the same way, the theologically sketchy concept of hell distorts what it means to be disconnected from God. This idea has more to do with Dante than with the Bible. Yet, there is something heavenly about these mass events like concerts. There is love at scale, and that is where God is. God doesn\’t come to those pure, but those who love.

    It\’s interesting to evaluate the physical manifestation of a typical concert: a form of love shared between performer and attendee, generous use of color, music, excitement, and light in dark places. Richard Rohr states that we are \”Christ-infused\” beings, and we simply can\’t help but seek God through our creations, from great architecture to celebratory music to the phone, a modern technological miracle.

    This brings me to my last point – why create? Why do we toil, often in obscurity, on passion projects, on things that may not even feed us or our families, but we have to do it?

    I believe humankind is always trying to recreate heaven to fill the unconscious need for a home we\’ve never seen but feel in the depths of our souls. Shakespeare spoke of the afterlife as an \”undiscovered country,\” but in a context of fearfulness, I say we dream of this country in our creations.

    To complete this analysis, I juxtapose a few videos and images and ask you: What elements do they share? Why would we seek such experiences? What does it say about human nature\’s yearning?

    Since comments are crazy spam food, shoot me an email at joe@happywisdom.com and I\’ll share your contribution in the next post anonymously.

    I leave you with the master, CS Lewis, on heaven.

    Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for those desires exists. A baby feels hunger: well, there is such a thing as food. A duckling wants to swim: well, there is such a thing as water. Men feel sexual desire: well, there is such a thing as sex. If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is a fraud. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing.

    17 C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity, Signature Classics, 76.

    Until next time…

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    Check out this one, 110,000 fans all dressed in white, the famous Penn State \”white out\” – chilling!

    Finally, Taylor Swift\’s Era\’s tour. What could be more spiritual than being so radically loved and accepted by your hero?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3UATen-UBY&ab_channel=Dan%27sConcertVideos

    During this show and others Taylor takes the opportunity to show love to those who are suffering, like this little girl with cancer:

    Certainly one place where you\’d never feel alone is at a Taylor Swift concert. At the same time, Swift\’s approach to stagecraft and live production has somehow managed to make the experience feel personal.\”

    https://www.berklee.edu/berklee-now/news/taylor-swifts-global-popularity-explained-berklees-version

  • Religion & Dune

    Dune 2 is a fantastic movie, one I would put up next to Oppenheimer any day of the week. Now that Oppenheimer has won best picture, it\’s clear how highly I think of that film. Having read the book, I knew that going in that the Dune universe wasn\’t big on fundamentalism, but I never got the sense that it was explicitly anti-religion as its central point. It is against hero worship, but religion remains enigmatic. While watching Dune 2, and even during the drive home, I had this urge to worship like a Fremen. I\’m not and never have been a fundamentalist, so why did I yearn to join them on my knees, in the hot sand, in worship?

    While watching Dune 2, and during the drive home, I had the urge to worship, and even fight, along side the Fremen. I\’m not and never have been a fundamentalist, so why did I yearn to join them on my knees, in the hot sand, in worship?

    This is especially surprising given the perceived anti-religion perspective that is attributed to Herbert and his Dune series. How could such a strong religious vibe be created by such a narrative.?

    Low information folks are taking this big movie as an opportunity to convict all religion, using the false prophet and the power manipulations of the Bene Gesserit.

    However, a casual search on the internet shows that Herbert is not anti religious:

    What I\’m saying in my books boils down to this: Mine religion for what is good and avoid what is deleterious. Don\’t condemn people who need it. Be very careful when that need becomes fanatical.\”

    – Frank Herbert, \”Conversations in Port Townsend

    From my brief searches I found that he had overbearing Catholic aunts who may have pushed too hard. According to this:

    Herbert was raised Catholic before converting to Zen Buddhism, but there are several religious theologies including Christianity, Judaism, Navajo and Islam he has appropriated in the novel or reworked to create new religions that play a significant role in the evolution of this feudal society.

    The movie has a significantly different take on the character of Chani, which apparently borrows from the sequel, Dune Messiah. It turns out that Herbert was disappointed in the people loving Paul, but there is a point one must make when the interpretation of art is as valid as the artist\’s intent. Chani\’s role is more of the rational voice in a sea of religious fervor. Ultimately, we can take the work independently, without the author\’s intent, and have a more informative conversation.

    As a Christian, I felt deeply connected to the religious themes, perhaps even more than in the book. The enormous power of worship and the power of a Messianic person to come and save you from an oppressor are so powerful.

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    The Power of Belief

    It wasn\’t just when they prayed that I felt this urge. It was Lady Jessica (the incredible Rebecca Ferguson), the movements of the Bene Gesserit, the voice they used to compel movement. When Paul shows his dominance over Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam by using the voice, we see her surprise at the true Messiah. Did she not believe, or didn\’t want to admit her very eyes? This seems very similar to that of the Pharisees of Jesus\’s time. They looked for a warrior but instead came a lamb. Those who saw who Jesus was probably converted to the new \”Nazarenes\” movement, which in 300 years would then convert the highest ruler in the land, Constantine the Great.

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    The Beautiful Power of Faith

    The Catholics had a great opinion of the movie, while perhaps understandably, some Muslims weren\’t as excited about it. I don\’t think they should be concerned. I had the strangest feeling during and after that movie – I was envious of the fundamentalists who really believed and would die for it. For a moment, I wanted to experience what I\’ve seen of Muslim worship if only to see what it would feel like. But, of course, that\’s ridiculous. As a person of European descent with catholic lineage, I could no longer think that as I could feel any Hindu or Buddhist rite.

    Being a contemporary Christian is better than any time prior – we don\’t have Crusades or wars for religion and for the most part we don\’t govern (and shouldn\’t want to) which is nice. We can (should) love others despite borders, languages, or culture. We love those who can do nothing for us, and ask nothing in return.

    Yet, sometimes I yearn for the fervor I see in some Muslim communities and on the screen for Fremen.

    I know that of course the Bene Gesserit manipulated them and so on, but the raw power of faith was there on the screen. The last time I felt anything like that was a few years back when I visited Rome and was sacked (pun intended) by St. Peter\’s Basilica. I wasn\’t prepared for the inside of that building and I can get chills thinking about it even today.

    Religions have the unfortunate problem of being performed by humans, which means that whatever happens, its not going to be perfect, or always good. Evil can put on the cloak, read the books, and say the words, but it is by its fruit that we know.

    The believers back in Jesus\’ day wanted a savior that would come and destroy their oppressors. Jesus beat strength with weakness. He was no Paul Atredies, not a a warrior king, or conqueror.

    Jesus wasn\’t a fundamentalist. He didn\’t stop Thomas from touching his wound after he was raised. Doubt wasn\’t forbidden by our Lord and shouldn\’t be by those who claim to follow Him.

    In our modern times, we die without purpose. We live our life, make money for us and our loved ones, while serving the System that grinds us to bone and dust. We don\’t die for a cause, for a purpose, for the great coming of God. We drop to the ground like a bird, uncelebrated, and purposeless.

    But the Freman who dies on that field may die younger, but at least he dies for something.

    Don\’t get me wrong. I \’m not speaking in favor of zealousness or fundamentalism. War is a great evil, and its reduction in our world has been nothing short of the Holy Spirit\’s miracle.

    If Herbert\’s message helps with peeling off some of the cult of personality from political leaders, then all the better. Not questioning powerful leaders is of particular importance if you look at the current US election.

    But where is the heart, the heat of Christ right now? Perhaps I should look in the mirror and at the texts and communities that I\’m now part of as an Episcopalian and ask: Is this food bringing the raw power of faith to my life? What is my role in opening up to this tradition that I\’m new to?

    In short, how can I believe with the intensity of a Freman while soaking in a skeptical, over-rational, dualistically-minded 21st-century culture? My conversation on Letterboxd with Jeff Overstreet, Christian Media Critic, sums up this tension nicely:

    ME:

    To my great surprise, I (briefly) yearned to join the militant believers during this movie and sometime after. I\’m not a fundamentalist, but Dune 2 gave me that raw power of unquestioning faith viscerally. In the West, we\’re very cerebral about our faith through the necessity of being in a critical age. I have very nuanced views that have morphed as I grew as a Christian. But it\’s all head, no heart. Part of me wanted to feel what the Fremen felt, that overwhelming belief that grabs all of you. I am seeking out this experience, but where do I find it?
    I get that Dune\’s message is against the cult of personality and fundamentalism. Still, I can\’t shake the feeling that the modern Christian experience is missing something. When I recall the feeling I got as the Fremen army took to the sand dunes to liberate their world, the most fitting, and disconcerting, word that comes to mind is elation

    JEFF:

    \”I think I understand what you\’re saying. I have felt that zeal in several seasons of my life. In retrospect, I find that in most cases there was a vein of unhealthy arrogance involved, but I don\’t think that\’s necessarily inevitable. If the zeal is characterized by humility, by a healthy suspicion of one\’s own convictions, and by joy rather than anger or judgment, then that sounds to me like the Holy Spirit. Zealous fundamentalism rarely bears \”the fruit of the spirit\”: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Jesus was an exemplar of all of these things with the conviction and charisma that inspired a following. But note: Whenever the disciples wanted to say \”THIS! THIS IS IT! LET\’S BUILD A TEMPLE AROUND THIS MAN AND THIS SET OF BELIEFS!\” he rejected their proposal and kept moving. The zeal has to be the journey of constant discovery and humility and revision, not of certifying a checklist of certainties and defending them. Does that make sense?

    This is very, very difficult for anyone — including Christians. We all want the feeling of certainty that we are \”on the good side\” or \”in the right camp.\” But whenever the disciples start acting or talking that way, Jesus does something that absolutely confounds and disorients them.

    One of my favorite lyrics in all of music comes from Over the Rhine\’s song \”The World Can Wait\”: \”And like all true believers / I am truly skeptical of all that I have said….\”

    ME:

    …I resonate with your position. For it to be a durable faith, a the Christian needs to find zeal through continual discovery and learning. I\’ve been a Christian for decades and still don\’t feel like I have it down. It\’s like Maya Angelou\’s quote

    \”I\’m always amazed when people walk up to me and say, \’I\’m a Christian.\’ I think, \’Already? You already got it?\’

    Rohr\’s work Falling Upward covers this topic extensively. One of my favorite lines from it is this quote

    \”Sin happens whenever we refuse to keep growing.\”

    – Richard Rohr

    Dune has unlocked a lot of questions and emotions for me, and we\’re about to go into a second viewing of it this week. I wonder if my feeling will be different.

    BTW if you want to check out Mr. Overstreet\’s excellent work, you\’ll find it here.

  • The Purpose of Negative Space

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    Negative Space Helps Us See

    The negativity around us can be suffocating. I know I feel it, even as an introvert. It\’s the collective fatigue from all of the bad news and the uncertainty that has become part of our everyday. Even if we\’re not directly impacted, by health or finances, we wait nervously for the storm to reach us. We\’re simultaneous anxious and guilty when we see what others are enduring, be it the heroic health care workers, to those they care for. If you\’re seeking relief, you might want to try CBD for Arthritis relief. Support is also available at reputable addiction rehab clinics that offer comprehensive treatment plans. If you or someone you know is struggling with marijuana addiction, specialized support is available at these clinics.

    In our more mundane existence, we take walks instead of going places. We\’ve never seen so much of neighbors as we do now, each ambling about our houses, uncomfortable but still okay. For now.

    Think about what the virus has taken away from us, we find that we can define what is important to us. Look at the chairs below. The chair, as we understand it, is in black. But crucial clues can be gathered when looking at what is not there. We can tell as much about the chair by what is not there than what is there. For those seeking specialized support, this resources at https://high-end-rehab.co.uk/ offers comprehensive addiction treatment options.

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    COVID-19 forces our eyes to the negative space, but in doing that, it highlights what we value as a species. The stuff that\’s important, without which we wouldn\’t be humans.

    Foremost, it took away our ability to be within six feet. That is a negative space. But what does it highlight? Our need to be close, to hug, to touch, to even talk to each other without fear. Being near people is, apparently, incredibly important. Its critically important to be around those during a sporting event, during a wedding, or during their death. We need to be close, so very badly.

    It took away free commerce. I speak to people across the world as part of my job – COVID has taken away the ability to get a loaf of bread easily in some places, but most of the people I associate with ultimately find the bread. It\’s obvious that food is important, but the negative space here is convenience and variety. We crave different foods, experiences, and commerce. I tried to buy some electronic goods the other day – it was more than a month to buy this particular cable. We now hunt different online stores for different products to get them quickly. Convenience, and the confidence that stuff will be there, is gone, and its importance.

    In all of this negative space, we\’ve filled it with variations., a testament to human ingenuity. We do Zoom church now, we play games with distant family members that we probably wouldn\’t have had we not been forced into social distancing. I\’ve enjoyed playing skribbl.io with almost every member of my family, coast-to-coast.

    This, then, points to the positive space, the chair itself. We desperately need connection, and the Internet has gained the title of Most Valuable Innovation for this experience. I would say the most valuable player, but that title goes to our health care workers for certain.

    But not just the health care workers. There are members of my family that are doing nursing or working for Amazon fresh gathering groceries, and IT workers that keep the Machine Digital working, day and night. We\’ve enabled 4k streaming, online gaming, and Zoom calls all at the same time. Information Technology…take a bow.

    The Arts are right behind it. Imagine all that tech with nothing to do across the world. I have LOVED Westword…I look forward to it.

    The religious institutions, at least those who listened to the social distancing rules, should also take a bow. how about the drive-in church, or those like mine that did Zoom? We need faith in our lives more than anything/

    In the end, COVID has hit humanity where it hurts- in our ability to be together. Yet, how wonderful it is to remind ourselves how important we are to each other, even strangers? Look at the negative space and find that it defines the positive for us in even greater clarity and understanding.

    Don\’t want to end this post without a big thank you. Happy Wisdom started over three years ago and with hundreds of people in the distribution, I appreciate all of you – thank you all for sticking with us!

    As a reminder, most people here signed up one time or another to get on the mailing list. Make sure you\’re on both of them:

    HappyWisdom.com – This is the big tent topic focusing on the good news of the world and more than that, how wisdom links up with happiness in a generative loop. On occasion, this includes faith-based guidance that I think will help the community, ranging from Alan Watts to C.S. Lewis. There\’s a new page to connect on this topic here. I see this blog is kinda like John Krasinski\’s Some Good News YouTube Channel. If you haven\’t seen that, well, do it. There\’s a new Facebook Page up for you if you want to share wisdom and see what we\’re up to here.

    LifeSparcs.com – LifeSparcs system is where we get new products or e-books released on occasion. I\’m in the process of taking the feedback on my beta book (thanks all!).

    Till next time

    -Joe

  • Consider The Bigger Picture

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    This is Procrustes. Don\’t be Procrustes.

    Recently a male friend posted a meme I found offensive on Facebook. I won\’t repeat the post, as it was making light of domestic violence and, as a survivor of such a household, it sickened my stomach.

    I called him out on it as did others. Predictably, some rallied to his side, defending it as \”just a joke\” and \”stop being so sensitive\”. Thus ensued the all-too-familiar back and forth of those \”too easily offended\” vs. \”I\’m unfriending you now.\” The dialogue died uncomfortably and we all moved on. Yet, I wanted to continue that dialogue because nothing grew from it, which brings me to this post.

    I think if the poster of that meme thought about how the world is becoming a monoculture and that a new ethic is being wrought in our time, he might have thought twice. But let me step back.

    The 20th century was amazing, and the innovations we\’ve had over the last century or two have been astonishing. Food used to rot and people starved in the winter – now we have refrigeration and plastics for storage. Millions use to die of dysentery, smallpox, and tuberculosis, now we have vaccines. Feces from horses and humans flooded the streets of New York City. It was estimated that 20,000 people a year died from diseases related to the massive amount of horse dung that plagued the city, and from their rotting corpses. Cars solved that problem.

    Every single one of these innovations has made the human condition better. This report has shown that the world has unequivocally gotten better for people. Check out Steven Pinker\’s excellent discussion here (This starts at the excellent graphics, but I recommend the entire video). This transformation even impacted the use of mortuary room, which became more organized and sanitary. Even in death, technology has helped preserve dignity consider the mortuary fridge, a modern innovation that ensures the deceased are properly stored and preserved, allowing families the time to grieve and make arrangements without the added stress of decomposition.

    Then came the Information Age and the gains we saw in material goods moved to gains in information transmission and access. I used to have to send letters to my fiance while I was in the Navy. I used a phone that was attached to a wall. I needed a payment card to dial something called \”long distance\”. I needed encyclopedias to research, cameras to take photos with, a typewriter to write papers with, white-out to correct errors when typing, and, most tragically, zero video games.

    The Computer Revolution changed and disrupted everything, dubbed a Bengali Typhoon by WIRED magazine editors over twenty-five years ago. Life is nothing short of amazing now for massive swaths of humanity, approaching science fiction level advancements almost every year.

    \”But but but!\” you say. \”We have global warming, we have plastic pollution, hate-fuelled by the never-ending supernova-level dumpster fire that is Twitter, and things are awful again.\”

    The question isn\’t can our world be As Dr. Pinker says, our world will never be perfect.

    The question isn\’t how do we get a perfect world, but how we co-create a better one. What sort of culture are we collectively creating?

    Answer: We have to think bigger.

    Thinking bigger is a simple way of what is known in academic circles as Systems Thinking. The name implies what it is – we think about the systems that surround us, chart how systems work, and what our influence is beyond our direct, immediate observation. I may learn to sacrifice some of my short term interest for long term gain. An example is due:

    Say I\’m fishing in a pond, and I know there is only a certain amount of fish. I\’m competing with three other fishermen, and I decide to win this by using a giant net. All are mine! I\’m rich. I buy new boats and nets. The next year, there aren\’t as many fish remaining, AND my competition has invested in nets as well. Eventually, the pond has no fish. This pattern is the Tragedy of the Commons, a typical Systems Thinking example that actually happened in the 1990s. As an individual fisherman, I only see my profits going up (short-term) and the signals to think differently come late. There\’s a fun one-minute video on this here, but you may wonder – what does this have to do with my Facebook friend?

    What would happen if my friend decided to consider Facebook as that pond that we share? He might think that of the hundreds of friends he has, ostensibly all people he cares about, of those few probably some of them have had experience with domestic violence. According to the Bureau of Labor and Statistics, nearly one-third of all women in the U.S. have experienced a form of violence that has impacted their physical ability by their partner in the last year alone.

    This is the fish in the pond story in reverse. Rather than taking something out of the pond, by sharing insensitive memes we\’re putting pollution into the pond. We don\’t see the impact it might have the right way, but over time it can destroy relationships and divide people.

    Okay, we get it – be nice online. But what\’s the other side of the coin? Radical sensitivity? Victimhood? A humorless world patrolled by the PC Police? Must we all conform to some ultra-sensitive definition of what is allowed?

    This brings me to the image that adorns the top of this article. Here\’s his story, courtesy of Medium:

    Procrustes, “the stretcher,” son of Poseidon, bandit from Attica, held a residence on “the sacred way” between Athens and Eleusis. Here, Procrustes had a bed in which he invited every traveler who passed by to spend the night. Problem was, nobody seemed to fit this bed. Procrustes, being the metal worker he was, set out to work on his ill-fitted visitors and made them fit the bed. A guest proving to be too tall for the bed would simply have his or her legs amputated to the desired length. Too short? Procrustes would simply stretch them to fit.

    Note that part – none seemed to fit his bed. His standard was an ever moving mirage, an impossible arbitrary standard of one being.

    So on one side, we have those that would share what they want, damn the consequences and on the other, Procrustes Legion, ready to cut you down to size if you don\’t measure up (and you won\’t). We as a society are bound together now. We can\’t think about progress in the same way. What gave us cars now gives us global warming. What gave us flexibility now pollutes our oceans. What gives us unlimited access to oceans and far-off friends threatens to divide us into warring, unfriended tribes.

    Compassion is what is needed on both sides. Squeezing others into an arbitrary standard won\’t work. Guilting people won\’t work. Chopping people\’s legs off won\’t do it.

    Thus I did not unfriend my friend. Instead, I will share this article with him in an attempt to raise understanding, and maybe he\’ll think a bit bigger the next time he shares a meme, and I\’ll do the same. Our age needs more grace, love, and compassion and less hatchet, axe, and saw.

  • The Fyre Festival is the problem of our time – The Three Laws of Feedback

    Have you seen the Netflix documentary on the Fyre festival? I will dub it a runaway system. A runaway system is similar to a runaway train or better, a runaway process in computer science. A runaway process is a loop of some sort that eventually consumes all system resources until the machine fails. A runaway system does not follow the laws of feedback.

    The Three Laws of Feedback:

    Listen to the Experts – of all the types of feedback, those who have recently one what you’re trying to do are your best advisers. Prioritize their words.

    Experiment – Try to delay your decisions. Keep both options open until the last responsible moment. Run short tests and see which of your advisors can predict the outcome of it.

    Act! – Based on the data from the experiment act in a different way. Change paths, even if it makes you look bad.

    If you’re not aware of what the Fyre Festival is or was supposed to be (or even if you are aware), I strongly recommend watching the excellent Netflix documentary on the topic. They have astonishing actual video of that disaster going down by the people who defrauded hundreds of people. Check the trailer here:

    If you can’t watch it the excellent documentary, here’s an all-too-short synopsis: A few years back this rapper Ja Rule and a “man” named Billy McFarland decided to extend his company\’s web application, one that allowed folks to sign up for A-lister performers. The thinking was to have this festival to raise their profile in the biz. 

    With zero music festival experience, these two characters lied and cheated many people out of hundreds of thousands of dollars its heartbreaking to watch. The Fyre festival was supposed to be in the Caribbean, a group of wealthy, beautiful people in a beautiful place being too cool for the rest of us plebeians. I am not proud to admit I relished in the collapse of this thing when it happened. I condemn those who flaunt extreme wealth, like people peeing on stacks of hundred dollar bills setting fire to them. In a world with so much need, I don\’t understand it.  I don’t object to people being rich, but this sort of romp was so libertine it was satisfying when it burned to the ground, almost literally.

    However, despite my schadenfreude, I realized something. Fyre failing was all about the failure of feedback. The Fyre guys were tone deaf to the information that they were getting, regardless of which type it was (Stranger, Family, Expert, Peer). Pathologically, this man started lying to everyone around them as the thing became an absolute trainwreck.

    Over the last few months, my personal life had some upheaval, and the principal character in this was a person who would not take feedback. In both cases, it was the American Idol Complex,  a topic I covered last year.

    In short, The American Idol Complex is where contestants would get on the stage before millions of people, and perhaps only for perhaps the first time to hear the words they needed to listen to all along – you can’t sing.

    After the conflict, I had with this person, and the Fyre Festival documentary, I had a severe case of confirmation bias. I started seeing the lack of feedback acceptance everywhere. In Game of Thrones, (Season One) King Robert Targaryen is imagining Kahl Drago and the Dothraki horde storming the Seven Kingdoms, he is presented with the option, by his wife Cersi, to hold himself behind his walls. It’s safe, and they have no siege weapons, as they are nomadic, horseback warriors. This strategy, Robert points out to Cersei, is unwise, because while he was tucked away safe, the horde would be destroying those towns around him. “…how long will they be loyal to me if I’m safe and they’re houses are being burned to the ground by the Dothraki?”

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    King Robert Wasn\’t All Wrong…

    King Robert may not have been the best king, but he had this right. The truth may not be able to penetrate our walls, but it will eat around our kingdom, robbing us of nutrients. The Fyre guys had their walls up big time, and it cost them everything.

    The most important thing about feedback may not be in the listening or even agreeing. It’s in the Third Law – Act! Do something different. We can nod all day long to the howls, and be brave in the face of what we perceive as a threat, and continue unchanged. That’s the difficulty with feedback. It feels like an attack, so often because it is delivered in that way, causing us to hide behind our fortifications.

    In my personal story, let\’s call this person Frank, while he may have listened and responded faithfully like things were going to change, nothing did. listen. It destroyed our relationship with him. His walls were up.

    Throughout the Fyre documentary, you could see the Castle Walls going up in Billy’s eyes. He could not see the truth. He kept saying to his workers, those with experience in doing these events, that it would all work out. Unfortunately, some told Billy to continue, and in his own confirmation bias and hubris, chose that comfortable advice.

    There are those who are going to help you put those walls up — the Wormtongue in your ear. “Ignore the outsiders. They don’t have your vision.” Sometimes this will be well-intentioned, as I believe many were in the Fyre story. However, from the documentary, it appeared that this man had access to the truth. With his own eyes, with the sights and experience of others. The facts were there. The feedback was there. Nothing changed.

    Now, in Billy’s case, he is a pathological liar, so it’s a bit different, but the result is the same. What’s instructive about Fyre was how the Laws of Feedback didn’t save him. He had experts telling him it wasn’t going to work (Law I) and at least what I saw he had not experimented sufficiently. One idea – run a small festival in the US, with one artist or two. Get some practice and learning. None of that happened.

    Here are some tips for effectively leveraging feedback:

    • When being given feedback, don\’t respond. Listen to what is said, and say thank you. If you turn on your defense and say things that start with, \”Well, the reason I did…\” then you\’re not listening. Let the words in.
    • Second, repeat back to the person what they said, or what you heard, and continue to do so until you understand mutually.
    • Third, look for patterns. This the art part of this. Feedback is noise. you have to fish through the noise for the signal, the signal that something you have to react to. This is why team creation always stresses cognitive diversity. If everyone is always agreeing with you, what value to they provide? If you never take their advice, again, what value are they providing?

    If you\’re giving the feedback make I\’m working on the idea that the weakness in which we give and take feedback has made our discourse weak. We get offended easily, fail to listen and make changes based on that listening. We put our castle walls up for a brief respite, all the while knowing we\’re starving ourselves blind.

    There are constructive ways to give feedback, techniques that will increase the odds that the hearer will change, and requires training and practice to both give and receive feedback. Most of us don\’t have the time or the inclination to do this, so let\’s go over a few tips: 

    Here are some tips for effectively leveraging feedback:

    • First, when being given feedback, don’t respond. Listen to what is said, and say thank you. If you turn on your defense and say things that start with, “Well, the reason I did…” then you’re not listening. Let the words in.
    • Second, repeat back to the person what they said, or what you heard, and continue to do so until you understand mutually.
    • Third, look for patterns. This the art part of this – feedback is noisy. You have to fish through it for the signal, the important alarms that you need. It is for this reason that those who know about teams insist on cognitive diversity. If everyone always agrees with you, what value do they provide? If you never take their advice, again, what value are you getting from them being around?

    Finally, it\’s tough to know when you\’re ignoring the \”right\” feedback. How can you tell? How are you getting it in the first place? Feedback is like money – it pays to get good at giving and getting it, and you can never have enough. Do you hate the feedback you\’re hearing? Are people you used to trust leaving your side? Are people not talking to you at all about the Big Thing? You might be ignoring feedback.

    I’m working on the idea that the weakness in which we give and take feedback has made our discourse weak. We get offended easily, fail to listen and make changes based on that listening. We put our castle walls up for a brief respite, all the while knowing we’re starving ourselves blind.